I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
