To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
