Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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