Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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