I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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