I accidentally burped into my bong.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
