and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
