in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
why is half of my head shaved?
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