woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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