OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
