you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
