Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize