and she was petting her beer can
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
