My friends, they love my intelligence
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
