Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
