Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
