I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
