I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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