They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
