My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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