How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I deserve this hangover.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
