I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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