so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
