my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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