Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
