Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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