Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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