The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
