i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
