You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
