I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
