Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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