I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
