I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize