I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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