i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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