Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
