i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
