oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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