i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
