By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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