I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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