we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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