Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
