He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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