So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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