i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
