im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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