and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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