So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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