All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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