I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
