Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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