let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Brb crying the tears of my youth
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
