I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
