We got so high we made milksteak
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
