I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
