the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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