trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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