I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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