remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
