my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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