If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
