Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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