you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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