I think my fart just growled at me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize