Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
